just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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