My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
