you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
