I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
