When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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