I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
