we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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