Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
