I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
