Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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