well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
