im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
