she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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