two words...techno handjob
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
