We're like a lot better than the average bears
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She's the barista slut.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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