I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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