1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
