She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
