3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
