I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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