WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
