Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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