well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Drunk is a universal language darling
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
