I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
