Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
