Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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