Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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