nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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