If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
