If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A+ Viking dick
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