I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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