dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
