I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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