if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
