i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize