Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
