did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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