I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
