I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
