i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
