Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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