Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
