What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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