i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
