Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
