The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
