Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
