I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
