im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
