I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
