I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
