You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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