you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
