At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
