Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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