If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize