I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
