Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
