ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
