This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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