I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
