she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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