it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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