He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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