Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
