and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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