I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
