All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
