and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
