just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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